We're ALL the center square

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

a story worth telling again and again...

why i dont leave the UWS very often...

Sunday night, i innocently decide that i want to get some indian food from Whole Foods and go see Napoleon Dynamite... So i begin my journey....

part 1:
Walk the 18 blocks to Whole Foods, get myself some yummy indian food and finally settle on a home made moonpie for dessert (can you say YUM?). Of course, this being a sunday, Whole Foods is MOBBED, and the lines are long. luckily i am under the express limit and go to that line. have a little trouble finding the end of the line, but finally get myself situated.
after about 3 minutes, this guy walks up next to me, looking around - as if he is looking for the end of the line. so i nicely point the end out to him. and i go back to listening to my ipod. (yes, in the grocery store. yes, i am one of those...) and he says "i dont think you can be saying that to me - i've been here, but now you are telling me that because i was standing in the wrong place, i have to go to the back of the line? i dont think you have any right to tell me that..." me - "um, yeah, i think i can tell you because its not my problem that you havent been in the right place, nor is it anyone else's problem - so yeah, i think i can tell you whatever i want..." this goes on and on, and then i dont see him anymore - presumably because he went to the end of the line. score 1 for kiki.
so i check out, and as i am leaving, i feel a tap on my shoulder... lo and behold... he decided to seek me out to tell me that i 'should really watch my attitude' to which i replied - "ok... thanks for your concern..." a bit more back and forth and then this - my favorite part... he says, "you better hope i never see you out in public, cause i will take you down." to which little ol' me turned around and replied - quite loudly "oh, you are threatening me? we are in public right now - why dont you give it your best shot. come on - take me down right here..."
he walked away.

oh, did i mention this is a 6'8" black man? yeah, picture the scenario. all in Whole Foods.

part 2:
get myself on the subway(all while watching over my shoulder for the man who is going to 'take me down') and trek down to times square to see the movie. as i am getting off the subway and walking to the exit, i see a man who has apparently sat on something, making it look as if he has shat himself... being the nosy bitch that i am, i decide that i want to know what he sat in - chocolate milk? ice cream? as i got closer, it became abundantly clear - thru both sight and smell - that this man had, in fact, shat himself on the subway... first Tony Stewart, now this guy... where will it end?

part 3:
i know you think - what else could have happened?
so, get to the bigass multiplex in times square (where i have never been before), buy my ticket, get to the theater and find a seat... loud group of teenagers sitting in the lower section... loud group of teenagers gets louder, and now they are talking to this woman sitting a couple seats from them... teenager and woman talking get louder. woman stands up. woman is NOT a woman, but a transvestite. fight ensues between high school kid and transvestite.
an orchid is damaged in the process.
security kicks out the rest of the teenagers in the group. the rest of the theater erupts in applause.
all before Napoleon Dynamite. i mean, really???

yeah, this is why sometimes, its just better to stay home... :)

4 Comments:

  • And you say you don't have enough going on to keep a regular blog going!!! That was a great story, dahlink!

    By Blogger chris, at August 24, 2004 at 11:36 AM  

  • that would be why I DON'T live in Manhattan at all! Nutjobs, all of you! ;)

    People are way nicer in Bed-Stuy.

    By Blogger vf, at August 24, 2004 at 7:40 PM  

  • BUSHWICK! did elise not teach you anything??? ha! :)
    what did ever happen to you saturday night? we never heard from you again... :(

    By Blogger kiki, at August 25, 2004 at 12:20 AM  

  • That's hilarious, I missed the man shitting on himself story. Did you tell that in chat?

    I think we should totally accept comments from anonymous people. It makes things more interesting!

    By Blogger heatha b, at August 25, 2004 at 1:14 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home